Updated: Jun 1, 2021
When I started my Spring 2021 Truck Camping Adventure through Utah,
I did a 5 card Medicine Wheel reading with my Ancestor Oracle deck.
From this prayer, I was introduced to a powerful council of guides
to accompany me on my road trip.
The first guide that emerged
from my reading
was The Ancestor of Loss,
which came with the following message:
“I am the Shaman of loss.
I can interpret lost ideas, traditions,
beliefs and values you once cherished
but have since forgotten.
I help you understand what losing something means
and teach you the paradox
that loss is gain.
I help those who are lost
to find themselves
and those who have lost the path
to rediscover it.
No matter what you feel is missing from your life,
I can help you replace that loss
with fresh hope.”
Loss is something we all feel and experience
throughout the course of our life.
However, over this past year
loss has been more pronounced
for many of us, myself included.
Before I left on my trip through Utah,
I spent time journaling about
my 8 Dreams for Life;
these are aspirations & intentions
I’ve had for years,
some even since childhood.
The pandemic brought halted energy
to each one of these aspects of my life.
Instantly & without warning.
Over the past several months
I’ve been sitting with the grief
of these stagnant dream aspirations
and have slowly started
to soften my grip on them.
There is medicine and magic in all things
and I want to take advantage
of this aspect of the pandemic.
The stand still energy of the past year
has given me time to clear my slate a bit,
and sit in the no-thing-ness
of my aspirations.
In this way, the pandemic has become
a palette cleanser of sorts.
As I engage in my Wild Soul Wanderings
through the vast desert of Utah,
I am reflecting on my 8 Dreams of Life
and see that the seed of each of these desires
is still present in my being,
some more activated & alive than others.
All of them are calling for a revisit in depth & breadth,
and for expression in new ways
for these new days.
As things start to open up in society,
and I slowly move out of isolation,
I find myself receiving guidance from Spirit
on movements & activities to engage in
to support my soul dreams
with developing in ways that support
this new era of life
that I find myself & the world in.
It feels good to be inspired again.
Another aspect of my Utah Adventure
is to honor the end of my 49th year
and prepare to start Year 50
of my life journey.
This is a big portal for me to pass through.
As I reflect on the past 5 decades
of my life adventure
with the Shaman of Loss at my side,
I come to deeper acceptance
that the past is lost in so many ways,
as is my youth.
And even though the past
& my youth are lost,
they both have offered so much influence
to this Now moment I currently reside in.
And while there may be lost opportunities
from the past & my youth
that I can not regain,
there is a Now moment
that is fully present
and available for me
to be in deep participation with.
The Shaman of Loss is helping me
expand more fully into this next phase of my adult life,
and is reminding me to drink in all the sacred juice I can
from this Now moment.
Be present with what is present,
because I will eventually lose this too.
As I drive the backroads of Utah
and contemplate threads of loss in my life,
another message that comes through
from the Shaman of Loss is:
“The Universe cannot survive without balance.
All things have their opposites.
Joy has Sorrow.
Beauty has Ugliness.
Gain must have loss.
The Shaman of Loss helps us understand
why some things must pass away.
Why we sometimes lose our path
and why at times
all sources of nourishment seem to dry up.
Not all loss is bad.
Sometimes we lose things that harm us.
The Shaman of Loss
walks beside us
through the labyrinth of time
and helps us rediscover things
we believe lost to us forever.”
Yes, I feel grief around what I feel
has been lost from the past. However,
the Shaman of Loss inspires me to expand my focus
on what loss can be.
What loss do I want to welcome more fully into my life?
...so I sit with the contemplations of:
- Loss of Fear
- Loss of Addiction
- Loss of Pain
- Loss of Stagnation
- Loss of Loneliness
And while these forces are not completely lost in my life,
I can say these words of possibility
internally or externally
and notice where I feel a charge in my body as I make these statements.
I can breathe into these charged areas
and invite presence, compassion and freedom into that space.
In this way, these contemplations of loss
become an intention, a prayer,
an elixir I can stir through my being
with breath & awareness
as a way to release a layer of contraction
that I have in my BodyMind.
Pain & loneliness may never be fully gone
from my life,
however, by working with the possibility
of losing layers of these energies,
I can incrementally welcome in
more vitality & freedom into my life.
In this way, loss becomes gain.